How many bars do you work at, anyway?

An inebriated man, clearly enjoying his weekend off, walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.

"Get out," says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".

The drunken man, acknowledges this fact, and staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.

"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!"

The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.

The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".

The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs, "How many bars do you work at, anyway?"

Tell a friend:

Turkeys lay eggs?

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Tell a friend:

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was: "Name seven advantages of 'Mothers Milk.'" Worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, who had partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of seven advantages.

He wrote:

1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7. It comes in such cute containers.

He got an "A".

Tell a friend:

A New Drug

Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.

Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?

Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.

Tell a friend:

I want to lose some weight

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

Tell a friend:

Where ya from?

A girl from Georgia and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Georgia, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"
The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Georgia sat quietly for a few moments and then in her Sweetest Southern Accent replied:"So, where ya from, bitch?"

Tell a friend: